la la la la la, lovely labia

originally posted April 24, 2007

This afternoon I am lamenting the fact that I threw away a tiny pork rind that looked like a vulva. Not sort of like a vulva, but exactly. I mean, as exact as a nickel-sized fried pork skin reproduction of a vulva can get without the aid of human hands. This was a naturally occurring phenomenon, and I threw it away, with all its perfect symmetry and miniature realistic rind-labia. What stings the most is that I saved it for a year and a half before I did that. I put it on the book shelf by my desk next to the book Dracula – now that I think about it, a space not at all conducive to vulva-drying. I intended to get some shellac and preserve it, but never got around to it, because I CAN'T PRIORITIZE. My daughter found it when we were moving, and she asked me why I had it. She looked kind of disgusted, like she already sort of knew the answer and regretted asking the question. I laughed and was all awkward and tried to act like it was just some wayward stowaway pork rind that had been flung up high on the shelf in a snacking frenzy. In a panic I threw it in the garbage and changed the subject. I couldn't just say, "Honey, Mommy likes to save food that looks like genitalia"? Why?!? I am a weak, weak person.