a few things i’d like to mention, in case we get sucked into the television or something

originally posted August 22, 2007


The day after I posted the Podcast in which I acknowledged that I am with Brain Scientist, I received an email from the head of my program that began with the ominous statement I know that you are pregnant. The message was designed to convey encouragement, but it included an overt reference to her death and a somewhat veiled reference to my own. Although I don't really think she obtained the pregnancy information from this qwanty space, I am a paranoid sort, and so must state the following: I say many things in jest. Please note that I claim to be living under the Devil's scrotum in order to maintain anonymity. Do not hold any of this against me. That said, I would also like to offer the following insight: If you are composing a note of encouragement, be sure to omit any references to the author's or recipient's death, as this tends to overshadow the encouraging aspect, leaving all involved with an ooky feeling.

***

The other day, I was fortunate enough to miss this exchange between Brain Scientists senior and junior:

Scene: The pool, dusk.

BS, Jr.: Who is that?

BS, Sr.: Where?

BS, Jr.: (pointing towards deep end of pool): There.

BS, Sr.: (in hopeful tone) Those are trees?

BS, Jr.: No, not trees. Them. The scary guys.

BS, Sr.: Where are they?

BS, Jr.: (pointing to the bottom of the deep end of the pool) There.

BS, Sr.: What do they look like?

BS, Jr.: Museum guys!

(Cue Twilight Zone theme.)

Do you know what guys are at the museum? Hohokam guys, in a display of Hohokam Indians that BS, Jr. refuses to approach because he is afraid of it. Do you whose ancient village archaeologists are unearthing a half block away from our house? Hohokam guys'. Do you know whose ancient ruins our house is built upon? Hohokam guys'. And now, to bring this full circle, do you know who the junior Brain Scientist thought he saw hanging around in the bottom of our pool? Hohokam guys. I'm hoping he was mistaken, and that it was an early eighties Adam Ant and a Village Person or something.

In any case, if that doesn't motivate one to finish one's dissertation and move elsewhere, I don't know what will.

***

Finally, on a lighter note. Did you know that if you throw a samosa from Dehli Palace down on a plate in a huff while arguing with a Brain Scientist, it will explode like a flaky water balloon filled with potatoes and peas, covering you and all that surrounds you with its savory shrapnel? Well, it will. Please exercise caution when trying to emphasize a point with a samosa.