Monday, February 2, 2009

still working out the kinks

I have developed a huge crush on a local openly bisexual state legislature representative, and am devising an elaborate plan with which to bed her. I’m still a little sketchy on the details, but I know this much: it will require that I start a band. I never imagined that my rock star and lesbian fantasies had the potential to come together with such Wonder Twin power to shape up the form of hot girl action!/political scandal!/groupies! and a shag carpeted ice jet I will use to haul amplifiers and fly slowly past her outdoor speaking engagements. As for Gleek’s useful prehensile tail, we’ll figure that out later. I’m really taking a big step with this whole bang the sexy politician/rock band endeavor, as prior incarnations of the rock/lady combo have been limited to variations of a fantasy in which I give a karaoke performance of a suggestive song (e.g., Centerfold, Jesse’s Girl, etc.) in a lesbian bar that is SO HOT and SO HARD ROCKING that someone lets me feel them up. I first conceived of this fantasy that night I accidentally went to a lesbian bar when it was full of naked dancing women because I thought “Revue Night” meant open-mic poetry. It is a particularly ridiculous fantasy because a) I am terrified of karaoke, and b) I suspect that women who are swayed by Rick Springfield karaoke are few and far between. This new fantasy is far more attainable. Think I jest? Guess who asked me to be her facebook friend? While she may not have any clue as to my libidinous intent, District 27 Representative will at some point be mine, or will at the very least find one of my band flyers stuck to her windshield.


KRD said...

The "revue" was easily the most embarrassing night of my entire life. And it didn't even get you in touch with your inner lesbian!

qwanty said...

It also didn't get me in touch with YOUR inner lesbian.

KRD said...

Ha! That's pretty funny. You have a quick wit. What openly bisexual politician WOULDN'T swoon?